


My Mistakes Were Made For You

by emlary



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sassy Isak is sassy, post-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 18:02:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emlary/pseuds/emlary
Summary: Isak had a nightmare and Even tried to make things right. This time, he made a short film that wasn't called "The Boy Who Couldn't Hold His Breath Under The Water." Isak wasn't impressed until he watched it.Or Even revealed more lovey dovey secrets about his crush on Isak besides "I saw you the first day of school." The title is from The Last Shadow Peppets.





	1. Chapter 1

Even shut his phone when Isak approached, asking why he frowned at the screen earlier. "Anything's wrong?" Isak sounded genuinely concerned. Even answered the question with his signature bright smile, carrying his boyfriend who sneaked into the kitchen after school onto the counter. "You hungry already? It's only 4." He teased. A wet kiss that tasted like pizza should be enough distraction. The curly hair boy was released with red swollen lips.

"I want pizza, too. But You still need to tell me what's wrong. Has Dr. Pauss changed the date of your next appointment? Or-" Isak was persistent and super smart. Even ducked his head a bit, "Nothing."

"Even," Isak spoke in a more serious tone, which he knew well. Isak was worried, and he didn't want Isak to remain worried about his wellbeing at all times.

"It's the account statement of my credit card. I used it to book the honeymoon suite at Radisson Blu, you know, that night..." He confessed, trying to ease the awkward topic by raising his eyebrows, adding a knowing smirk. Isak blushed immediately, right, _that night_. It reminded both of them of the champagne, the roses, the softest sheet that was almost ripped apart and the huge window which Isak came against with the magnificent view of the city's skyline. Before everything went down, that was a dreamy night that neither of them would ever forget. And it cost a fortune, a bit too fancy for two high school students indeed. Though Even would argue the room service brought probably the most delicious mini burgers in Oslo.

"6,000 kroner? It's more expensive than my rent. Do you want me to... If I give my room back to Noora, I can save 4,000 kroner this month. Sleeping in the hallway won't be a problem. When is your billing date? I can-" Isak was fidgeting like a squirrel. Even had to stop him with another kiss.

"Don't worry. I've already paid the first installment. You know I've been working on my entry for the short film contest of the University of Oslo, right? The prize is pretty lucrative. Plus, the suite was my idea, it's on me. If you are eager to blow some cash, maybe next time?" He hinted. Maybe it's his wink, maybe talking about money was too sensitive, Isak dropped the argument.

They never really talked about the night. It's like an unspoken agreement. Isak once half-jokingly said it's chill as long as Even wore clothes when they hung out. Even appreciated the way the younger boy handled the situation. Whatever happened, happened. They only concentrated on this minute.

Even thought he could live with that until later the day, Isak had a nightmare. Even was a light sleeper his whole life. He was awake when Isak made jittering movement unconsciously. It's a long night in December, he had to wake him up. Isak's unsettled, face pale and sweating. Even put a hand on the small of his back, asking tentatively, "Do you want to talk about it?" The younger boy just snuggled up to him like a little wounded animal, grabbing the hem of his pajama.

He understood it had to be something unpleasant. Isak didn't say a word and he didn't push it. They cuddled in silence, both awake and knew neither of them would be able to fall asleep again. After what felt like hours, Isak groaned with some curse words Even couldn't hear, which sounded like he's blaming himself. Eventually, he looked up through those damp lashes, meeting Even's caring eyes.

"I know we agreed on no more hiding from each other," Isak was hesitant, like he's still searching for the right words, "But you have to understand this is not your fault. It's- 's just my subconscious messing up with me, okay?" Even nodded, then Isak told him everything. His boy had a dream about that night in Radisson Blu, probably stirred by their conversation earlier. Confused then terrified, Isak had a panic attack in the dream which was so real that it hurt. Apparently avoiding talking about that night didn't make things go away. Isak continued, "It's actually different from the reality. After I sprinted outside the hotel, I didn't run around searching for you because you were suddenly right in front of me, both you and Sonja. You were kissing like once I bumped into you guys in Emma's." When was that? Even was trying to pinpoint the timeframe of the kiss. Why didn't Isak tell him before? Didn't matter. It's not like it would change the outcome. He remained silent, Isak cracked a faint smile, "I don't know why the hell the two different scenarios collided. Weird, huh?" It's both adorable and heartbreaking to see him try to sweeten a fucking nightmare.

The person Even cherished the most, got trapped in a nightmare combined with two hurtful memories caused by nobody but him. He didn't even know how to respond to what Isak just said, let alone comforting the boy. All he wanted was to give Isak the best of all kinds, the affection, the romance, the grand gesture, which he failed hard. Even tightened the hug, pulling Isak so close they could feel each other's heartbeat. 

"Hey, I said it's not your fault." Isak said quietly, "Heck, it's not anyone's fault. Can you stop blaming yourself? I can hear your thoughts, they are too loud." He softly nudged Even with his nose, "Remember we said we gonna talk about everything? It will be fine. A few days after that night, I was running some errands for Eskild across the city. You know what? I changed the bike route to avoid that Radisson Blu. Guess I was a coward. But things are getting better. Don't you dare send me to some shrink tomorrow, this is not some PTSD shit. I mean, compared to what you went through, half of which I was probably responsible for, this was not worth mentioning."

There were a thousand things Even wanted to tell Isak, to apologize, to make up for what he suffered, to turn back time to make things right. But he said nothing. The roaring heartbeat of his finally calmed down in Isak's arms. He can't simply remove the memory because it's painful or ugly. Even needed to ponder upon what the nightmare Isak had really meant, what his biggest fear was. Everything led to Isak's being insecure that Even might not love him the way he thought. He's surely capable of doing a better job than sending Isak a text ended with "I love you." And he got an idea.

+

A ten-minute short film was a huge project for someone who worked solo. Even spent almost all his spare time planning the logistics and pre-production once he had a concept. Plus he had to catch up on all the school work he missed during the sick leave. That's how he got himself into a full schedule. Every waking moment was busy, which may be exhausting to normal people, but not to Even. He just had the worst episode since he got transferred to Nissen, keeping his brain occupied was better than any medication.

With one hiccup, though.

"Isak, have you stolen Noora's carrot cake again?" Even couldn't help but smile, with another box of pastry shoved in his hand. His boyfriend tended to bring him snacks since he started work on the short film, probably having concerns regarding his financial stability. A waffle with dried figs on Wednesday or a blueberry pancake with a mysterious bite on Sunday.

"Shut up." Isak snapped, he's cute when he pretended to be angry. "Just eat it. I'll get her two on my way back." How predictable, Even laughed. "Did you do it on purpose to get kicked out so you can move in with me? I wouldn't mind taking care of a poor boy who's accused of stealing food and being too cute." He teased. Isak elbowed him in the ribs. Even fell back on the bed with Isak landing on top of him. It had been less than ten hours since they kissed goodbye in the morning. But they just couldn't help it, the kiss was so hungry like it could lead to something more. But Isak pushed up a moment later. "I'll let you work." He grinned wryly, leaving Even half-hard.

Even had been working on some interviews for the film on his laptop for a couple of hours. He's pretty wrapped in the materials except for a few glances towards Isak now and then, who had been a good boy the whole night. He went straight to the shower after finishing his homework. Later on, Even heard the faint humming of the hairdryer from the other side of the apartment. Must be Isak being extra considerate. It's no bothering at all. He enjoyed Isak's company. He's content as long as they stayed in the same room, even in complete silence.

Isak quit the game on his phone when Even stood up to stretch himself a bit. He asked with a warm smile, "How's it going?" Even grabbed the laptop and showed him a few concepts. He wanted to make a documentary about the relationship between people who suffered chronic psychiatric illnesses and their families, mixed with interviews and real life clips. Even could feel Isak's side-glances when he kept talking. The boy must be worried that the topic was too heavy for him.

"I'm kind of disappointed, Even." He pouted, "Your directorial debut isn't 'The Boy Who Couldn't Hold His Breath Under The Water'." Just like that, both of them cracked up. The once quiet room was full of joyful laughter. 

"Seriously, it's great. I'm so proud of you." Isak looked at him fondly, "Let me know if there's anything I could help. I've never had my name among those closing credits. It must be cool, right? How about Executive Producer - Isak Valtersen? Right before Director - Even Bech Næsheim." The naughty boy surely knew how to make Even chuckle. 

Even fiddled with Isak's golden curls, laughing. "I promise I will make a movie about you, my muse." He whispered, one hand reaching beneath Isak's waistband, palming the boy strong and fast. He devoured the look of the younger boy biting his own lips, eyes watering. A small pleasant whimper escaped anyway when he came all over Even's hand. The seventeen-year-old passed out shortly after that. Even was still painfully hard from touching Isak's soft skin but he decided to ignore it. He went back to his laptop. Darkness used to be his enemy when he couldn't sleep. Now he felt safe and creative working at midnight.

+

Things were more complicated than he expected when it came to searching interviewees that were willing to talk on camera, particularly people with mental illness. That's why most documentaries about mental illnesses were told by psychiatrists and family members of patients. It's very difficult to get people to talk about their illness, Even knew this firsthand. A month long pre-production wasn't really making much progress. He had to find another angle.

Eventually Even managed to submit the final edit two days before the deadline. It's late March, all his classmates were excited about the upcoming russ ride, which he couldn't care less about.

Isak was poking around, making not-so-discreet inquiries about possible college choices he had in mind, which Even found was amusing.

"The department of media and communication, University of Oslo?" Isak taunted, "No, it's good. I'm just not sure if your grades are high enough to get an offer. Not every student at Hartvig Nissen is like me, scoring 5+ on every subject." Even loved it, Isak being a little bratty. 

"That's why I spent so much time and energy on this short film. Will look good on my resume." He replied. Isak rolled his eyes, "Since when you become a pragmatist, Mr. Bech Næsheim? Where's my 'Let's check in a fucking suite' boyfriend?" Even laughed so hard. Though he hadn't shown Isak the final edit, he wanted him to watch it on the official website of the contest. Ten finalists were scheduled to be released the next day, he's confident he's gonna make it.

"Fine, I'll watch it. If you insist." Isak sat on Even's laps, licking his own upper lip like a kitten. The pink tip of his tongue sent electric sparks to Even's groin immediately. He rolled their hips together in a slow but firm fashion. The early spring sunshine was warm and bright, Isak was making those little purrs as he bit another hickey on the creamy skin of the boy's neck, grinding hard against his cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

Isak had been refreshing the website of the short film contest every five minutes since he got off the bed in the morning. He's almost stressed out from the anticipation. By lunch time, the battery of his phone was almost dead, which he tossed on the table in frustration. Magnus, sitting around the table with the squad, waved his own phone, "Easy, dude. You don't want to miss it when it comes out." Isak squinted at his friend, "Why are you refreshing the website anyway? You've been named the president of the Even Bech Næsheim fan club or what?"

"You didn't know?" The blonde boy sounded overexcited. Considering Even's suggestion helped him finally hook up with Vilde, Isak wouldn't be surprised if one of his best friends became a fanboy of his multitalented boyfriend.

The answer could wait because he just saw the update after refreshing the website for God knows how many times. Even and his "ALT ER LOVE" was among the ten finalists. "Hooray!" The canteen was full of cheers led by Magnus, which draw Vilde to their table, followed by Eva, Chris and Sana. Girls and boys all gathered, ready to watch Even's directorial debut together. 

The first clip was called "Day & Night", telling the story of a girl with autism. She didn't say anything, instead, viewers learned about her through a few drawings and notes. For the most of the time, the camera didn't even move. It's just her working in front of a computer in a dark room, quiet with the frequent sound of keyboard typing. She was an English editor at a financial research firm. Late deadline every night was part of the job's routine in order to get all reports out before the market opened. She got it because most people didn't want to work late hours every single day. An online collaboration software made her job easier since she didn't really need to _talk_ to her co-workers, which spared her from any anxiety related to face-to-face communications. After a busy night, she got a text from her mom at dawn asking if she's too tired, urging her to eat and sleep. The look on her face was almost the same after reading the message. She fixed herself some overnight pasta, then brushed her teeth, closed the curtain and went to bed. Every move looked like tedious routine. And a new notification popped up on her phone, which brought a small smile to her lips. The camera moved to a close-up of the phone she's holding next to her chest, the only light in the room, which said a birthday present to her mom was just delivered. 

"It's over? Why is it only three minutes? I want more! It's so beautiful and delicate, every detail matters." Vilde whined, cupping her face in her hands. Magnus snorted, "The best is yet to come." It felt odd that Magnus seemed to know something about Even's work that Isak didn't. But the mystery was quickly solved when the second clip rolled.

"Twenty Years & Counting" featured with Magnus' mother, an eloquent speaker who spoke with vivid body language. Different from the silent film-like first clip, the second clip was _loud_. The lady the boy squad were all familiar with told her love story with Magnus' father from twenty years ago in high spirits. "Oh, did I mention I'm bipolar? It's been almost twenty years as well. We've gone through the worst and the best. Sometimes I felt like a selfish person because my condition has always been an extra burden for him. But he never takes it that way. From a handsome young lad twenty years ago to a half-bald middle-aged guy who is constantly worried about our teenage son's sexual frustration, he is always there for me. People often say to love is to give, but everyone wants something in return, right? He taught me differently. He doesn't need to do something to make me feel like I owe him. He just stands by me, guiding me through the highs and the lows, twenty years and counting."

The three-minute clip made the girls almost tear up. And Magnus, being a drama queen of all, was sobbing, "Even said the concept was to let people with mental illness talk about their loved ones. I felt like an abandoned child when mom chose dad, not me. Even did a great job making my parents a loving couple on the screen, though. We are _even_ now, no pun intended."

"I think we need to talk about the "constantly worried about our teenage son's sexual frustration" part. Does that mean _even_ your dad knows you are still a virgin? No pun intended either." Mahdi joked. Everyone laughed except Vilde, whose face reddened like Magnus did. 

And the third clip just started. Isak tapped the phone screen to see how many minutes left, "My Mistakes Were Made For You" must be the last story of the short film. The opening was a bit unsettling, with camera swaying randomly. Then it flipped to someone who held a GoPro camera- in a restroom. And it's Even, wearing the same jean jacket when Isak first met him, hair slicked back perfectly. Isak's heart was suddenly beating too fast.

"This is one of the restrooms of my high school. Believe me, I'm not a creep. I'm recording because this is where I talked to him for the first time. He was hiding in that stall, I overheard him play some video game on his phone. So I had to wait, thinking hard about a pick-up line. You know, when you meet the boy you've had a secret crush on for over a month, what are you gonna do? You play cool or get aggressive? I was desperate. When he finally emerged, I came up with a stupid idea. I emptied the paper towel dispenser, including the very last piece stuck to the holder. He stared at me after washing his hands, intrigued. Bingo! I did it. He may think I'm crazy, which is a fair assessment to some degree. My name is Even Bech Næsheim and I'm bipolar. His name is Isak, my boyfriend and my angel."

Even's big grin on the screen made everyone turn to Isak. "I didn't know. He mentioned it's difficult to find more interviewees that are willing to talk, but I had no idea he filmed himself." He mumbled. 

The camera switched to the small playground outside the school building. Even continued, "OK, I plotted this for a whole weekend. I need to look sharp to catch Isak's attention. So I picked this jacket, my height probably helped, too." The camera moved down a bit, showing a familiar indigo jacket with two white stripes. Isak remembered that day vividly. He was caught watching Even walk across the playground. When their eyes met, he's completely mesmerized by the sheer beauty of the guy he only talked to once before. The man of his dreams offered more insight about the dramatic scene, "I spent twenty-five minutes on my hair beforehand. Detail matters, I put a cigarette in my ear and made sure it lay on the right side that Isak could see. I also brought sunglasses, see, I was that desperate."

It moved quickly, the next scene was a grocery two blocks away from Even's apartment. "Right here, I told Isak a white lie. I just couldn't help it. You see, when I finally saw a chance to spend some time alone with my crush, I had to seize it. He asked if I could buy some beer for him and his friends, who were having a birthday party that night. I said yes but immediately regretted it when I walked in this grocery. I wanted to spend a little more time with him. It's a Friday, if I let him walk, he'd be gone the whole weekend. We only spoke once before but all I could think about was him. So I walked out empty-handed, telling him I left my ID at home. That's how I managed to get him to my place." Even said with a stupid grin, "I got another idea when we got into my room because I simply can't let him go. Guess what, I pretended I couldn't find my ID. That's lame? Not until I returned to him with some weed. He didn't suspect at all. For whatever reason, he stayed. We started talking about everything, how many classes we skipped, favorite musicians and weird spices. We made each other laugh like idiots. Like we knew each other from another lifetime. His phone kept buzzing with new messages, I was afraid he's gonna leave soon. But he didn't. I made some nasty cheese toastie with cardamom and he ate it anyway. We just sat there, talking, laughing and b-boxing. It seemed he forgot his friend's birthday party, and I totally forgot I invited other friends earlier. He left hastily after my friends arrived, leaving his snapback in my room. That's when I realized I was deeply, madly, head over heels in love with him."

Girls were giggling and boys were wolf-whistling at Isak. Only Magnus seemed mad, "Isak, you little lying piece of shit! You bailed on my birthday party for some hottie."

Isak was still in awe of everything Even just said in the clip. Something was about burst in his chest. It's so overwhelming that he could bury himself in Even's words. The text Even sent him ended with "I love you" was precious, but this was different. When his boyfriend looked at him (technically Even just looked at the camera) in the eyes and said he's in love with him, not now, not a few weeks ago when Even secretly filmed this-Even basically said he fell in love with Isak since October, Isak had to pinch himself hard to prove he's not dreaming. Before he sorted out his own sexual orientation, the soon-to-be man of his dreams was in love with him. He needed more than a few minutes to wrap his mind around this whole new world.

The clip continued with a montage of Even riding a bike in the neighborhood where they once sneaked into a private pool, in which Even's voice was getting emotional, "I stopped taking meds after the 'cardamom date'. I wanted to prove that my feelings for him were real, not just some side effect or crazy thought of my messy head. It was a disaster, though. Something terrible happened afterward, I almost single-handedly ruined the thing between us. But I can't take it back. I love him, no meds could ever make me feel the way when I have him in my arms. The lies, the heartbreak, the separation, my mistakes were made for him."

It's not until Eva handed him a paper towel that Isak realized he wept. Jonas patted him on the back, "I'll cut Even some slack since he's such a love fool for you. On the other hand, you gotta promise me one thing, do NOT run away with the next hot dude with weed, okay? You know I have plenty and it's free." It's a horrible joke but Isak laughed. Eva rolled her eyes at both of them, "Enough. Let's give the lovebirds some private time."

Leaving the canteen, Isak called the man of his dreams with his hands still trembling. "Let me guess, my masterpiece made you cry." Even teased him lightheartedly. The familiar voice somehow calmed Isak down.

"I did NOT," Isak sniffled, "You idiot."

Even chuckled, "Busted. I apologize I'm not the cool, charming, laid-back Year 97 as it seems. I'm just an idiot who falls for you." Oh, God. Can he stop? Isak was so eager to rush home to his boyfriend, taking those sweet full lips all to himself.

"I assume making the final round of the short film contest wiped off whatever credit card debt you owed. You better bring lots of food tonight. Eskild made it final, if I get caught stealing anything from the fridge again, he will steal you instead." Isak tried to keep his voice straight.

"Don't worry, baby. No one can steal me from you." What. A. Flirt. Isak shook his head, "Really?"

Then Even said, "Yeah. Because I love you."

Isak had to hang up before having another panic attack in public. He's skipping all afternoon classes, though. Because he needed to get home now and say it back to Even in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for bearing with my poor grammar. All mistakes are mine.

**Author's Note:**

> There's probably no honeymoon suite at the real Radisson Blu Plaza Hotel in Oslo, I just made it up lol. According to Agoda, the junior suite of the hotel costs roughly ~4,000kr per night. So I assume 6,000kr is a fair price including room services. And I'm not sure if a 19-year-old student in Norway is eligible to apply a credit card. In my experience, it could be a secondary card (like an authorized user, as opposed to the primary card holder, usually the said person's parent.) Please corret me if it's terribly wrong in Norway. English isn't my first language. Please bear with me.


End file.
